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I have often wondered why so many people
are rude to waiters and waitresses in restaurants. The next
time you are in a restaurant, pay attention to the way some
people talk to the waitpersons, order them around as if
they were servants, treat them with cold indifference or
neglect to give them the common courtesy of calling them
by name (despite the fact that they introduce themselves
and wear a large name tag). Surprisingly, this happens too
often with educated business people or leaders who should
know a lot better.
This type of behavior can be referred
to as situational professionalism. People who practice this
have one set of manners/values when interacting with an
important customer or senior leader and another set for
use with a subordinate or "ordinary" person (like a waiter).
They can turn on charm and professionalism when they feel
the need and turn it off when they don't. Situational professionalism
is a form of hypocrisy and a window into a person's leadership
style and upward potential. A person who is nice to the
boss but rude to others is not a nice person. It may not
happen in the first few years on the job, but with time,
this hypocrisy will rear its ugly head in the workplace
and damage the person's credibility. It's just a matter
of time.
I'm not promoting being falsely
nice in all situations. Nobody likes a phony and there are
valid times when a leader needs to give direct and honest
feedback. I'm talking about situations where people treat
others with cold indifference or with a lack of common courtesy
because they can get away with it or just to fuel their
own egos.
I recently read a story about Office
Depot CEO Steve Odland. As a youth, while waiting tables
in a high-end restaurant in Denver, he accidentally spilled
a dessert on the expensive white gown of an obviously wealthy
and important guest. Expecting to be shot on sight, he has
never forgotten the women's kind reaction. Although startled,
she quickly regained her composure and told the teenage
Odland in a reassuring voice that it was not his fault.
Her reaction said a lot about her character. Years later,
Odland still remembers her professionalism in this difficult
situation.
In past years, I used to make a similar
point to Junior Military Officers attending our Career Conferences.
On the first day of the Conference, I always ate lunch with
a group of young officers attending the Conference. While
these officers were rarely overtly rude to any of the waiters,
they never paid much attention to the waitstaff during lunch.
In the first big group session after lunch, I would approach
some of the candidates who had been sitting at my table
and offer them $100 if they could remember the name of one
of the waiters who served our table. In 40 years, I can
only remember one time I had to pay out. The message is
that indifference is another form of bad manners.
I assure you that companies are getting
more sophisticated and creative about evaluating this type
of professionalism during the interview process. Company
hiring managers will seek opinions from everyone from the
front desk clerk at a candidate's hotel to the limo driver,
from the person who conducted the realtor tour to the receptionist
at the front desk. After all, they know you are going to
bring your A-game to the interview with the hiring manager,
but how do you interact with all the people on the periphery?
That says a lot about a person.
For some people, acting in a condescending
or rude manner to someone like a waiter is a sign of power.
It may work this way on TV shows, but I assure you that
in the "real" world, enduring leaders dont rely on this
type of behavior to fuel their egos. Instead, they treat
all people around them with the same set of values -- approachability,
understanding, respect, consistency, fairness, listening
skills, and inner confidence. These are the characteristics
of true leaders. They always have been.
The worst thing I have seen is when
this type of behavior not only ruins workplace credibility,
but also affects personal lives, friendships and families.
We live in a busy world. If we are not careful, transactional
and rude behavior can spill over into personal lives. Before
you know it, you start treating a loved one the same way
you treat the waiter in a restaurant. With time, bad habits
can become pervasive.
In the end, manners are habits. Consistently
treating others with professionalism is a habit that can
be learned and unlearned. Whether a person is a Division
Commander, CEO, plumber, soldier or gas station attendant,
each one deserves the same kind of professional courtesy.
Even in a bad situation (like a spilled dessert), a calm
and professional response far outweighs a fly-off-the-handle
reaction. It will endear people to you, earn their respect
and loyalty, set the right example for people around you,
and cement your credibility as a leader.
Copyright 2006. Cameron-Brooks, Inc.
All rights reserved.
